Adam stops, his gaze flicking back to Kavinsky. "You don't want me here," he says, although his inflection seems to stress only You don't want me.
Which he knows, and has known, and has accepted as the reality when it comes to both Kavinsky and Ronan. But that increasingly leaves him wondering what he's doing here, or anywhere, with either of them. Neither of them would ever choose him first.
He stares at Adam, meeting his gaze and holding it like he's searching for something.
"Yeah. I do."
Kavinsky doesn't know exactly when it happened but he can't dig it out now.
The fireworks and chaos are fading and he wants-- he wants to fall asleep listening to anything other than himself. He thinks of the pile of bodies he'd collapse into after parties: his boys, or anyone else he could grab and hold onto. Tangled limbs and quiet breathing. Not dreaming alone.
Whatever Kavinsky may be searching for, what he finds is Adam's cold determination to need nothing and no one. Privately, he vows to never look at someone the way Kavinsky's looking at him right now. He would rather spend the rest of his life alone than beg someone to stay with him.
As long as Kavinsky's insisting on his company, though, Adam intends to follow through with his original promise. He may be completely replaceable, but he's the one who's here.
Relenting, he sits back and reaches to tug Kavinsky toward him so that they can lie together. "If you hit me," he says, "I'm never coming back."
The tension eases in his shoulders when Adam sits back. Kavinsky grabs a pillow on the way so he can stuff it behind his back, propping himself up. He lolls his head to look at Adam when he gives that particular warning. He's almost disappointed: a fight can be great foreplay.
"Noted."
He wonders if that has anything to do with the stories he heard flying around Aglionby or if it's a line Adam's chosen. He thinks, briefly, of the demise of Kavinsky Sr and all that led up to it.
"A change of clothes," Adam mumbles, shutting his eyes. He'd been filthy before they even got to the apartment, thanks to their tussling at the party.
Curling around Kavinsky, Adam drapes an arm across his belly and holds on in a loose embrace. He feels awful. He doesn't want to be here. But at least it's July 5 and Kavinsky's still alive. That makes one successful accomplishment.
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Which he knows, and has known, and has accepted as the reality when it comes to both Kavinsky and Ronan. But that increasingly leaves him wondering what he's doing here, or anywhere, with either of them. Neither of them would ever choose him first.
no subject
"Yeah. I do."
Kavinsky doesn't know exactly when it happened but he can't dig it out now.
The fireworks and chaos are fading and he wants-- he wants to fall asleep listening to anything other than himself. He thinks of the pile of bodies he'd collapse into after parties: his boys, or anyone else he could grab and hold onto. Tangled limbs and quiet breathing. Not dreaming alone.
no subject
As long as Kavinsky's insisting on his company, though, Adam intends to follow through with his original promise. He may be completely replaceable, but he's the one who's here.
Relenting, he sits back and reaches to tug Kavinsky toward him so that they can lie together. "If you hit me," he says, "I'm never coming back."
no subject
"Noted."
He wonders if that has anything to do with the stories he heard flying around Aglionby or if it's a line Adam's chosen. He thinks, briefly, of the demise of Kavinsky Sr and all that led up to it.
"You want anything while I'm out, Parrish?"
no subject
Curling around Kavinsky, Adam drapes an arm across his belly and holds on in a loose embrace. He feels awful. He doesn't want to be here. But at least it's July 5 and Kavinsky's still alive. That makes one successful accomplishment.