"Is that all I'm worth to you?" he asks, darkly. "A good fuck?"
He pulls back, a bit. Nick isn't particularly concerned with kindness. He isn't particularly caught up in those things. "Because if it is, then yes, it probably looks like punishment."
He isn't leaving. He just gets up to go to the bathroom, to find a towel to wipe them both off. He comes back a moment later. "I don't like it. There's a lot of stuff I won't do, and one of them is this."
“If this was just sex I wouldn’t give a shit. And I think you know that.”
There are other people willing to fuck him despite this. But he wants Nick. This hasn’t been about just sex in a long time. But Kavinsky doesn’t know how to separate it out. He gets tense when Nick gets up, almost grabs for him. Even when Nick comes back, he doesn’t quite relax.
“The dream was real to me.” What he said was real even if Nick could just wave it off.
He goes a little still. They didn't talk about it. They didn't discuss the shit they said in that dream, maybe for this reason. Because it's awkward. Because it's terrible.
Because Nick doesn't feel that same bottomless wellspring of love that he feels for Sabrina with K. Or with Reggie, and that's the real crime.
But he cares about him, more than he would care about a mortal boy, or even one of his warlocks back home. "I can have sex with you in dreams," he says. Like a peace offering.
Kavinsky will never understand how Reggie has come to deserve that love, when he’s as mortal and as fallible as K is. It gnaws at him, it twists in him with unrelenting savagery. Just like with Ronan, he feels the temptation to destroy everything, himself included.
What is the point when he knows he will never have what that idiot in a letterman jacket does?
It’s for the best that some of his rage is in a bottle with all of his grief.
“Wouldn’t want you to compromise your principles.” His rage, but not his bitterness. He should take the offer. He wants. His dreams are freedom but he will never have the boy from the woods. Another boy. Another dream forest. It was never going to be you and me.
He sighs, and moves back. Sits back, really, as soon as his clothes are back on. "Make up your Satan-blessed mind, Joseph. You can't have it every damned way."
His voice is dark, but there's a raw sort of tenderness there, too. "I'm here now, aren't I?"
"All I want is everything," he says, watching Nick cover up. Kavinsky makes no move to do the same. His arousal flags, and he knows it will fade if he lets it. It's difficult while looking at Nick, but not impossible. Especially not given the weight of the conversation. "Always been that simple."
He wants to swallow the tenderness in Nick's voice. He wants to wrap it around his bones and carry it with him.
"You're here now," he echoes. "That does mean something to me."
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no subject
He pulls back, a bit. Nick isn't particularly concerned with kindness. He isn't particularly caught up in those things. "Because if it is, then yes, it probably looks like punishment."
He isn't leaving. He just gets up to go to the bathroom, to find a towel to wipe them both off. He comes back a moment later. "I don't like it. There's a lot of stuff I won't do, and one of them is this."
no subject
There are other people willing to fuck him despite this. But he wants Nick. This hasn’t been about just sex in a long time. But Kavinsky doesn’t know how to separate it out. He gets tense when Nick gets up, almost grabs for him. Even when Nick comes back, he doesn’t quite relax.
“The dream was real to me.” What he said was real even if Nick could just wave it off.
no subject
Because Nick doesn't feel that same bottomless wellspring of love that he feels for Sabrina with K. Or with Reggie, and that's the real crime.
But he cares about him, more than he would care about a mortal boy, or even one of his warlocks back home. "I can have sex with you in dreams," he says. Like a peace offering.
no subject
What is the point when he knows he will never have what that idiot in a letterman jacket does?
It’s for the best that some of his rage is in a bottle with all of his grief.
“Wouldn’t want you to compromise your principles.” His rage, but not his bitterness. He should take the offer. He wants. His dreams are freedom but he will never have the boy from the woods. Another boy. Another dream forest. It was never going to be you and me.
“But I’m not gonna stop you from showing up.”
no subject
His voice is dark, but there's a raw sort of tenderness there, too. "I'm here now, aren't I?"
no subject
He wants to swallow the tenderness in Nick's voice. He wants to wrap it around his bones and carry it with him.
"You're here now," he echoes. "That does mean something to me."